why deny it any longer? you want to know. you don't want to wait. and we're going to tell you.

Listen, this information was correct as of the date we got it. Often, the writers will change things, if only slightly. And sometimes the stupid network honchos at the WB make them edit scenes out so they can squeeze in more commercials. Anyway, the basic plotlines will remain intact, but don't kick our asses if there are small detail changes. And yo, these are our spoilers from our own double-secret sources. They're not from Wanda or Keith or any of those people. If you want to cite them elsewhere, please give proper credit! It's only fair.  You can share if you want.   Just give us our due.  We like that.

Oops…Noel Did It Again (airing 11.14.01)

polly want some pictures?

Okay, this is going to be a very sad episode. A good one, but a very, very sad one. I will watch it and love it and hate it. That’s my
prediction.

Felicity and Ben are very happy. As they approach her birthday, they are planning to go away together. But before they can get away, Ben finds out that his father is in the hospital. And the sadness begins. Ben learns from his dad’s AA sponsor, Lauren, that his dad is dying. Not surprisingly, he has liver disease. But he also wants Ben to have power of attorney to make all the medical decisions for him. Ben’s not sure he should care, but Lauren tells him to forgive. I hope that if Lauren is around in later episodes, she’s still preaching forgiveness and not trying to bag Ben for herself.

Meanwhile, Noel is acting like a dick. I know you are shocked. Instead of passing along job listings to his advisees, he is hoarding them for himself. He also arranges for a couple of flaky freshman girls to move in with Felicity and Elena without telling them. What a guy!

Javier wants to make Felicity a present for her birthday. He asks Noel to help him gather some photographs for a photo album he is putting together. Noel agrees to help and his defenders will no doubt claim that this shows how sweet he is, despite his otherwise despicable behavior in this episode. I swear if they had an episode where Noel killed Felicity in one of those “If I can’t have you, no one else will” moments, his defenders would say they still didn’t hate him, because he only did it because “he loves Felicity so much!” Who are these people?

Felicity is having some conflicts with Jeremy Cavallo in her role as teaching assistant and then thinks he has a crush on her. Wow, Felicity’s gone from freshman year thinking no guy would ever like her to now thinking every guy likes her! I guess having two men fight over you for three years will do that to your ego.

Noel spies Ben and Lauren together on the street and immediately assumes Ben is having an affair with her. I’m not sure if this is because Noel always suspects the worst of Ben or if he is just projecting himself onto Ben. We all know that Noel can’t keep himself from banging every good looking woman that he meets, so maybe that’s his problem. Or maybe he actually does feel guilty about fucking Ben’s girlfriend and it assuages his conscience to think Ben is screwing around on Felicity, too.

Back at the loft, Noel tries to comfort Ben as he copes with his father’s deathly illness. Not! He accuses him of being an ass and says that he saw him with another woman. Ben tells him that she was just his father’s AA sponsor, but Noel doesn’t know when to quit. He thinks it’s bad of Ben to be with someone else on Felicity’s birthday. You know what, Noel? I think it’s bad of you to have slept with Felicity when she was vulnerable and confused! Mind your own goddamn business! Ben has had enough of Noel at this point—who hasn’t?—and tells him that he is sick of all his “I’m Felicity’s best friend” crap. I wonder if Ben is as sick of that as I am of all the Noel-lovers talking about how sweet Noel is and how he is always there for Felicity? Probably. So, Ben and Noel get into a big fight which culminates in Ben telling Noel that he’ll never have Felicity and Noel saying, “I already did!” Despite the title, I don’t really think I would describe this outburst as an “oops.” More like cold, calculated, premeditated murder. Only without killing anyone. Except Ben’s trust and faith in Felicity. Yeah, yeah, she killed that by having sex with Noel in the first place. But finding out this way just makes it like a gazillion times worse.

Javier gives Felicity the photo album. She loves it, noting the pictures from the “road trip.” Damn, I hope we get to see those photos. I still feel totally cheated that we’ve never seen any flashbacks of that trip. You hear that, J.J. and Matt? Noel interrupts and tells Felicity he needs to talk to her. He tells her that he told Ben they slept together. Felicity is not pleased.

Felicity finds Ben at the basketball court and desperately tries to apologize. A devastated Ben can’t even bear the sight of her. Poor, dear, sweet Ben. Felicity’s birthday is really turning out to be a bad day for him. Just last year, he found out on her birthday that she had woken up in the bed of some random frat boy. And now this. I’m guessing that if these two get back together, Ben’s never gonna want to celebrate her birthday again.

I’m guessing—and this is a total guess—that the episode will end with Felicity looking through the photo album at pictures of her and Ben.  Damn, this episode is going to be so sad.

The Storm (airing 11.21.01)

polly want some pictures?

This episode is called “The Storm” because there’s a really bad storm going on in New York City throughout the episode.  I’m guessing it’s also supposed to be a metaphor for the state of Felicity and Ben’s relationship.  Before you get your hopes up, I should tell you that I’m pretty sure Noel doesn’t get struck by lightning and killed.  I know you’re lamenting that missed opportunity as much as I am.

Ben is devastated by Felicity’s infidelity.  He breaks up with her, moves his stuff out of her apartment, and gives her back his key.   Felicity tries not to cry.  Normally, when Felicity is in a situation where she’s crying, I feel sad for her, but what the hell did she think was going to happen when she screwed Noel?  Anyway, Javier and Meghan try to cheer her up.

Luckily for all of us, Noel is distracted by his latest fling.  He’s found a new job in graphic design and now has his own designs on the boss’s daughter.  Richard (who is so desperately trying to get Noel to move in with him, I am starting to believe that he is in love with him) tries to warn him of the perils of such a relationship, but Noel has never been one to let anyone or their advice get between him and sex with a hot babe, so he ignores him.  What do you think the chances are that Daddy is going to walk in on them doing the deed?  Maybe if we’re lucky, it’ll turn out that she’s underage and Daddy will call the police.  I know, I’m dreaming again.  He’ll probably just get fired. 

Elena and Trevor are working on some sort of project together.  Trevor is way into Elena.  Elena is hesitant, but I’m betting they hook up, because we all know that Elena can’t go that long without getting some.

One of Felicity’s students begs for her help with a project he was supposed to turn in, but didn’t.  Felicity is way too distracted by what is going on with Ben to care.  

Ben’s mom shows up to take care of his dad, who is back on the liver transplant list.  She has forgiven him and wants to take him back.  Ben can’t quite comprehend her level of forgiveness.   I really hope they don’t draw some major parallel between Ben’s mom forgiving his dad and Ben forgiving Felicity.  I mean, I know what Felicity did was bad, but it’s not like the lifetime of alcoholism and abuse his mom is apparently forgiving. 

Felicity writes Ben a long letter, in which I can only assume she begs his forgiveness. 

Meghan is really hard on Ben for the way he is treating Felicity.  I guess I’ll have to wait to see it, but it seems to me Ben is justified in just wanting to stay away from her for a while.  He probably can’t get the image of her and Noel fumbling around together out of his head.  Ewwww, now I can’t get it out of my head either.  Yeah, he’s totally justified.

Because Ben is god-like in his perfection, he agrees to meet Felicity for dinner.  Felicity tries to apologize and tells Ben how much she loves him.   Ben say’s it’s too weird and Felicity wants to know what is so weird.  I’m no genius about relationships, Felicity, but I’m guessing Ben has a hard time reconciling all that love you have for him with the fact that you screwed Noel on the rooftop of his building.  

Felicity thinks Noel can help out with her situation with Ben.  I’m not sure how in the hell she thinks Noel can help.  Is he supposed to convince Ben to take her back?  When will Felicity wake up and see that Noel cannot solve all her problems?  He’s the cause of all her problems, dammit!

Sean is like the only person who is trying to cheer Ben up.  Ben tells Sean he wants to forgive Felicity, but he just doesn’t think he’s like his mom.  Ouch, this comparison of Felicity to Ben’s dad is pretty harsh, but I guess I can understand how Ben is feeling.  Ever the optimist, I am going to take it as a good sign that he at least wants to forgive her.  Damn, he really loves her.  Poor, dear, sweet Ben.

The Last Thanksgiving (Thanks Cuffing) (airing 11.28.01)

polly want some pictures?

The Felicity gang gives thanks for all the great things going on in their life.  I’m guessing Ben isn’t really feeling that thankful.   You know, since his mom is getting back together with his dad, who abused her for years, and his dad is dying, and he just found out the one person he thought he could trust screwed someone else.  But it’s a national holiday, so it’s time to celebrate!

Felicity and Elena host Thanksgiving at their place.  Pretty much everyone is there, except Noel.  Even Ben is there!  I don’t know about you, but I find this weird, considering everything that’s happened between him and Felicity lately.  But anyway, the two of them basically look at each other longingly when the other isn’t looking.  Oh yeah, and Ben has brought Lauren along.  I think she’s trouble.  I don’t want her taking advantage of Ben while he’s vulnerable.  

Meanwhile, Noel is off by himself, in a bar.  He meets an attractive older woman who buys him a drink and invites him up to her room.  How does Noel manage to snag all these beautiful women?  I just don’t get it!  Well, this particular woman may have ulterior motives.  Let’s just say that I’m pretty sure Noel ends up handcuffed to the bed and without his money.  Hee!   Revenge is mine, sayeth Litigia!

Javier is rude to Ben at Thanksgiving.  I don’t like how many people are being rude to Ben because he hasn’t welcomed Felicity back with open arms just yet.  I mean I know all these people want them to be together, but Jesus, give the man some time to get over the fact that the love of his life had sex with someone else!  Is that so much to ask?

Felicity gives a speech before they eat, talking about how much it means to her that they all are together, since it’s probably their last Thanksgiving together.  She talks about how they all mean everything to her.  Ben can’t look at her.  Poor, dear, sweet Ben.

Episode 9 (airing 12.05.01)

We don’t have a title for this episode, but it’s another sad one, mostly because Ben and Felicity still aren’t back together.  They’re all gonna be sad until they’re back together!  But maybe, just maybe, we get a glimmer of hope.

So, Felicity and Ben are working together at Dean & Deluca.  Ben plays the hero and saves her from a rude customer.  Awwwww, he’s so damn sweet.  Then, in another dose of Ben perfection, he apologizes for not having called her after Thanksgiving like he promised, then asks her how she is doing.  I swear to god, he gets more perfect with every episode. 

Elena tries to hook Felicity up with a graduate art student named Owen, but Felicity is not in the mood.  She also doesn’t like Owen because he never cleans up the studio.  Man, Felicity would hate me, because I am just about the biggest slob on the planet. 

Javier meets a woman named Rita in his drama class.  She has a major crush on him.  They make plans to go to “A Streetcar Named Desire” together.  But Javier decides to play cupid again, and tricks Ben and Felicity into going to the play, by inviting each to go with him.  When they realize what he’s done, they decide to watch the play anyway.  Afterwards, Ben tells her that as hard as it is, they need to move on.   Felicity agrees, but as she walks away, we can soooo tell that Ben does not really want to move on.

Meanwhile, Noel is in counseling for depression.  His life is all a mess, blah blah blah, who the hell cares.  I hope this shrink can make Noel see that all of his problems stem from his selfish, self-righteous attitude.  Instead, I think he tells him he should be on medication.  A good (over)dose of morphine would do the trick!  That’s just me dreaming again.

Ben comforts Lauren, who is conflicted about whether she should get back with an ex-boyfriend who was trouble.  Great, just what Ben needs.  Another woman who can’t break off relationships with abusive men.  I do not like Ben spending all this time with Lauren.  She’s trouble!

After Ben tells her to move on, Felicity decides to ask Owen out.  I'm sure that's gonna go well.  He will never be able to equal Ben's perfection!  Never! 

Fire (airing 12.12.01)

There’s a fire!  Felicity’s life hangs in the balance!  Will she survive?  I’m just guessing that since the show is named after her, that she will.  But the writers have surprised me before, so you never know.

Felicity is determined to get into Cavallo’s art seminar next semester, so she’s working on a bitching portfolio.  She needs one more awesome piece to include and searches for inspiration.   Finally, she finds it!  I’d tell you what her inspiration is, but that’d spoil the fun! 

Sean and Meghan are working on selling the shirts with socks for sleeves.   Meghan is not nearly as into it as Sean is.   She is quickly distracted by the arrival of her fifteen-year-old sister, Lila, who is five months pregnant.  Lila is basically in denial about the situation, but Meghan plays the responsible, loving sister and helps her to deal with it.  Maybe dressing like Jackie O has turned Meghan into a more sensitive soul.

Noel is starting his own graphics design business, since he’s been such a loser at getting (and keeping) a job.  Sean wants to go into business with him, running the business side, while Noel does the creative stuff.  Any storyline that forces Noel to spend more time with Sean and less (or better yet, none) with Felicity sounds good to me!

Ben and Trevor have a big O-Chem test.  They’re understandably nervous.  I don’t know for a sure, but I have a feeling our dear, sweet Ben does just fine. 

Felicity is working like mad in the art studio, full of inspiration, when a fire breaks out somewhere in the art department.  Noel, who happens to work in the same building, learns of the fire and its origins and worries about Felicity.  He races up to the art department, where he finds Felicity trapped inside the studio by the flames.  Oh no!  What will happen!  Felicity can’t die! 

Obviously, Felicity doesn’t die in the fire.  It looks like Noel saves her, but I’m not going to think about that.  And even if he does, who the hell cares?  So, he doesn’t want her to die.  That doesn’t make him a saint or anything.

A Perfect Match (airing 12.19.01)

Double entendres abound in this season’s winter finale!  Between blind dates and liver transplants and Ben and Felicity together again—please!!!—perfect matches are everywhere. 

Ben’s father is in desperate need of a liver transplant.  As luck would have it, a matching liver is found but a huge snowstorm in New York prevents them from flying it into the city!  Hasn’t Ben been through enough?

Javier and Rita are going on separate blind dates and they’re not going well.  What happened with Samuel?  Apparently, Lionel Richie’s advice didn’t solve all their problems.  Samuel and Javier were like the one stable relationship on this show!  What am I going to do now?

Ben’s dad tells him that being with the one you love is the most important thing in the world.  Ben stands out in the snow and has a “When Harry Met Sally” moment where he realizes that when you know who you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want the rest of your life to begin as soon as possible.  He goes running to find Felicity!  Yay!  Ben runs!  And he’s going to find Felicity!  It doesn’t get any better than this, folks.

Noel and Sean are business partners in some graphics design business.  They are trying to get a guy who owns a sporting goods store to hire them to build a website for him.  It doesn’t look like Noel and Sean make very good business partners, because they’re always fighting.  Of course, Sean is always fighting with his wife, too, and that seems to work out okay.

Ben’s mom is apparently also a match for the liver transplant.  I don’t know much about medicine, but I think that she is able to donate part of her liver to her husband.  It is his only chance.  But there are risks involved.  Since Ben has his dad’s healthcare power of attorney, and his dad isn’t competent to make the decision, Ben must decide whether to accept the transplant from his mom.  With Felicity by his side at the hospital, he reluctantly agrees.

Felicity keeps Ben company as he waits during the surgeries.  Things go well with Dad, but Mom is in trouble.  Ben is filled with regret as he realizes he may be responsible for losing his mom in an effort to save his dad.  He’s got enough to deal with, dammit!  Don’t give him one more thing to feel guilty about!  At least Felicity is there for him.  Thank God she is there.

This is the winter finale episode, so there must be some sort of cliffhanger.   I have no idea what it is.  As long as it doesn’t involve Felicity trying to choose between Ben and Noel, I’ll be fine with it.  I can’t take another one of those.